| It felt like a hospital at school today. I felt sick and washy like I'd been drugged and scanned. =(
I have to leave the house today. I'm getting nothing done.
It's official. I hit that place in the semester where I'm too tired to care so much, and it's not so hard to sit down and study. I have grim, concrete determination falling on my shoulders: there's really nowhere else to take it. =)
I miss my friends but the only way out is IN! IN! In! dive in!
I am really and truly going to bed in about 45 minutes. =)
I'm useless except for housework and uncheat sheets.
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| With a heart full of mess and lore
We are doomed but we wanted more
It's the ride we take
The many winged escape
It's the bough we break to blow away
To blow away
And we blow away
By A Fine Frenzy. =)
heh.....
And next year I get to take modern dance too. And make myself the life I've been wanting. And I will take hard math. And not be afraid of losing creativity in the numbering.
WIN.
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| A few things I have noticed about school.... Rachel has the toothpaste in her backpack a lot so I have to make the long trek downstairs... long because of how slow I am when I'm tired.... every night to brush my teeth and hope mom's door's unlocked. I tend to miss my mouth a lot during semesters when I'm taking a drag of coffee... or whatever... but typically coffee. It just doesn't connect. =( I know I know drags aren't coffee... I get tired a lot and have to explain everything to myself three or four times before my world makes sense. You'd think that explaining it necessitates knowing it, but no, it doesn't. It doesn't integrate like that.
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| 'sfunny how things go.
in landslide
How after the first one
gets let
you go the rest quick
breath in and
strings you been holding onto
so tight slip off
blood drips back into your fingers
you're left staring
at empty hands
that don't hurt
like you'd thought they ought to
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
and also it's funny how quickly things go by.
It's funny the ones that don't stick around like you thought
and the odd glues and
beautiful people you thought would leave
that don't
without you even forcing them...
and the pieces I'm left holding. It's just different than I pictured.
And sometimes people are just for seasons. And once you can stand up again, s'over.
And that's good.
and I'm alright with it. Thinking it over I suppose.
"we're fighting for ourselves, we're fighting for our lives."
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| this is the season...
Of...
Sigur Ros all over the place. Infact, mostly sigur ros.
Some Newsboys,
Some old switchfoot, but not enough to remember too much. I found Switchfoot to trigger now, unfortunately. =( But it's good to remember by in moderation.
Some Ingrid Michealson
Some Josh Radin
odd pieces of Loney, Dear, and The Weepies.. to sing with.
And Green Day a little bit that makes me smile. Because it was the soundtrack at the gym. And I go tumbling.
That was a fun time.
I wish I had more time for dance.
For dance at all. =/
I was a fool to think I could live like other kids and work and pay for school at the same time. A fool.
Sometimes I see people wearing other people's opinions of them like they're that awful sweater you got from a relative that you have to wear around them. And then forget to take it off. I do it too.
Take it off! You don't have to wear that! You're so beautiful.
Get out of there....
of course... that's just my opinion...
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